Below you will find a chapter from my upcoming book, The Dark Night of the Soul. I only have two chapters left to write, which I hope to finish by January. I pray the book will be a comfort and help to many saints in there darkest days. And I pray this chapter will be a help to you as you read.
Chapter 6: I Cannot Escape
“I am shut in so that I cannot escape;
my eye grows dim through sorrow.
Every day I call upon you, O Lord;
I spread out my hands to you.”
(Psalm 88:8b-9, ESV)
“David began to recover himself when he began to receive his spirit of prayer. The stronger the cry, the stronger the child, I warrant you. Jacob wrestled, and this is called his strength.” (William Gurnall)[1]
Have you ever been through a season when everything in the Christian life feels like a mountain? Many Christians find themselves there in their soul’s dark night. You know the necessity of the basic activities of the Christian life, such as studying God’s Word and prayer, but you feel stuck. As hard as you may try, you just cannot bring yourself to do it. Even the simplest of the means of grace appear as mountains to be climbed. You are in the dark. You miss the light. God feels so far away. Maybe you are haunted by the words of James, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8a, NASB).” Draw near to God? You have used every bit of strength you had left trying to do that very thing! Yet, every step you attempt to take in God’s direction leaves you feeling He is that much further away. Even in this condition, God has not left us without instruction in His Word.
Helplessness and Inability
“I am shut in so that I cannot escape.” In this statement, there are two things Heman declares about his condition. In these two things, he reveals himself to be totally incapable of escaping his situation.
“I am shut in.” The first thing we see is Heman’s helplessness. He is trapped. Being “shut in” conveys the idea of obstructions on all sides. In every direction, there is a wall preventing him from moving. Heman’s part in this statement is passive. He is not the one doing the shutting. He is the one who is shut in. He is trapped by that which is outside of his control. Therefore, he has no control to move the walls that hold him in.
No Christian finds themselves in this darkness because they intended to go there. There are many factors that may have played a part, but the Christian in Heman’s position has been forced into this prison of sorts by things outside themselves. As we learned in the previous chapter, the ultimate agency is given to God Himself. But we also know that God uses various means to accomplish His sovereign activity. God moved the walls that trapped Heman in. Only God can move them for his release.
You may not be literally, physically trapped. Neither was Heman. This is an entrapment of the heart and soul. It doesn’t typically happen overnight. No, it is a gradual process. Though you can fill these details in with many different things, it may look something like this. Adversity comes on your right side and begins pushing against you. Then, perhaps anxiety comes from behind you and adds pressure. Maybe an unforeseen grief appears under you and depression oppresses you from above. As you attempt walking out of your developing cave, suffering cuts you off at the front and slams you back in. Then, before you can stand back up, the actions of wicked people against you abruptly close off your left side. Now you are surrounded on all sides. All of these things have come upon you. You didn’t put them there. And you cannot remove them. Like Heman, you are helpless.
“I cannot escape.” The second thing we see is Heman’s inability. He is passive in the first part of the statement. He is shut in. The things that enclose him are out of his control. Now we see his activity. “I cannot escape.” This implies failed attempts. This is a conclusion, not an assumption. He has tried to escape. He has used what means and resources he has, but all of them have failed him. Now he is left with the inevitable conclusion that there is no way he can get himself out of this condition.
The only thing worse than feeling shut in on all sides and helpless is the realization that you cannot get out. I read a news headline not long ago about a man who got stuck while spelunking. Somehow, he ended up wedged, upside down, deep underground. Rescuers were unable to reach him and every movement he made caused him to sink lower. He died in that cave. There must have been a moment when he came to Heman’s conclusion. “I cannot escape. This is it.” I can only imagine the terror that set in. The soul’s dark night can be an equivalent to that experience in many ways. You may not be in physical danger, but it feels as if the curtain is closing on your soul. You may not have the physical rush of fear, but the terror is located in your spirit. Every movement you make sinks you lower. There is no way out. You have given it all your strength. Nothing works and no one is able to help you.
Your ears have probably been filled with the advice of well-meaning brothers and sisters. They have given you no shortage of strategies for getting out of your condition, but none of them work. There is a wall on every side, and you are helpless to do anything about it. You may have been to good biblical counselors, but even that didn’t help you. You’ve gone to the Bible studies, prayed, practiced a steady devotional life, preached to yourself, involved yourself in the church fellowship, and even found ways to serve. Yet, here you are, stuck in the cave. You’ve used up your resources. You’ve run out of things to try. What do you do now? That’s the problem. There’s nothing you can do. Like Heman, you cannot escape.
Blurred Vision
“My eye grows dim through sorrow.” The temptation we face when we find ourselves in this kind of darkness is to lose all hope. This next line is a very sad one, indeed. However, both its placement and implication bring a sweet consolation to the soul. Heman’s condition was one of helplessness, but not hopelessness. Inability, but not futility. You see, the man in the cave saw clearly his position and his end. Heman saw his position and end, but not clearly. He declares that his eye has grown dim through sorrow. This means he has wept so much that it has wearied his eyes and weakened his vision. His perspective has been compromised.
Sorrow is no friend to rational thinking. The most logical and level-headed man can be driven into hysteria by grief. We see the evidence of this in cases of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Take the example of a soldier. Before going to war, he attends a firework display on July 4th. He senses no danger. He enjoys the experience and applauds the show. Then he goes to war, experiencing and seeing horrible things. After returning, he attends the same firework display. This time, he is driven mad by the explosive sounds of the fireworks and noises of the crowd. For at least a moment, he believes himself and everyone there to be in danger. He finds himself transported back to the warzone. It was the same celebration. The fireworks didn’t change. His perspective did and it was clouded by the sorrows he had lived through.
So, how does this give consolation to the soul? It tells us that in our sorrow we may not be seeing everything clearly. Our vision, especially in our darkest times, is not always trustworthy. We can be realistic about our condition. Heman was. But as we sit, trapped in our spirits and unable to escape, we have to rely on something other than our own perspective to preserve our hope. Sorrow has clouded our vision and weakened our perception. All that is left is faith. This is not blind faith. No, it is faith which takes hold of God’s promises to His saints. It is faith which admits we cannot see clearly and trusts in the One who can. This is a consolation because it means hope has not escaped us in our condition. Instead, our condition has left us looking to the only source of hope we have ever had anyway, our Lord Jesus Christ.
This is good for us. We know our eyes are not telling us the whole story. If you are in the middle of Psalm 88, this is good news. But there is more than this. If we decide to distrust our own vision, what are we going to trust? The answer is Christ. And it is this kind of faith, the very faith which we are driven to in these times, that preserves our souls. “But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul. Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old gained approval (Hebrews 10:39-11:2, NASB).” In order to be saved and preserved to eternal life, one must not trust in their own vision, but in Christ and His Word. To be placed in a position where your vision is skewed from sorrow, and you have no ability or help within yourself, is amazing grace. God has not driven you to hopelessness. God has taken away every possible option for your hope except faith in Him, which is the only hope we really have.
This does not mean you can “faith away” your darkness. You may hold on to faith in Christ yet continue in the darkness for a while. Faith is not a magic key which solves all of our trouble in this life. Faith is latching on to Christ through the trouble, knowing that only He has clear vision and His promises are true. It is believing in His Word, regardless of what your own experience is telling you, because you believe in Him. It is this recognition of our own blurry vision, and His trustworthiness, that transitions us to the only thing we can do in our darkness.
Calling Upon the Lord
“Every day I call upon you, O Lord.” Heman is helpless. He is unable to do anything to escape his condition. He realizes his sorrow has clouded his vision and only God can see clearly. There is only one thing that still lies in his power to do and he does it with all his might. He throws himself on the mercy of God. He calls upon the Lord. Either this works or all is lost. This is the last flash of light in an otherwise dark cave. What we learn here is this. When you are in the position we have been discussing – when nothing works, the counselors aren’t helping, no wisdom or advice is helping, and you’re stuck in spirit – you have only one weapon left in your arsenal. You must pray. We have already spent a fair amount of time talking about prayer, but I think we could learn a little more here.
First, you must pray persistently. Heman says that he called upon the Lord every day. That means that before he detailed his condition he had already been in daily prayer for the Lord’s deliverance. Obviously, it has not come yet. There is an important lesson to learn. God’s movement in our lives is not on our timetable. Of course, we want deliverance now. Not a moment later. However, God is wise. He knows the times better than we do. And remember, if our vision is skewed to the reality of things around us, it is also skewed to the timing of things.
With that said, our only hope for God’s deliverance from the dark night of the soul is His answer to our prayers for His relief. He has fixed the times and dates of our comfort, but He has also chosen to use our persistent prayers as the means by which His delivering hand is moved. As His people, we cannot control Him, manipulate Him, or make Him act. But He has given us the ability to offer up our prayers as the means through which He will act according to His will. The great revivals that have swept this world throughout the ages have come according to His time and will. But they have also come according to the fervent, relentless prayers of His people. The same is true of revival and rescue in the individual life.
We have been so trained by our modern culture to expect instant results. Consequently, many Christians have prayed for deliverance from their sad condition, only to give up when it is not received according to their own perceived deadline. You must learn to wrestle with God like Jacob in your prayers. Many have forfeited their own deliverance by giving up their praying. Jacob was blessed because he refused to cease his wrestling until he received God’s blessing. The question is not when you should stop calling out to the Lord for deliverance, but if you should stop. And the answer is no. If He is your only hope in this dark night, then it makes no sense to let go of Him simply because the darkness has not lifted.
Second, you must pray submissively. Heman says to the Lord, “I spread out my hands to you.” This act signifies his total reliance on God. We have already touched on this in the beginning chapters of the book. Even in the darkness, we must not forget who God is. He is worthy of our worship and our very lives. Even in our wrestling with God, we must come with an attitude of submission. Whatever His will is, may it be. We are totally dependent on Him and are putting ourselves at His mercy. Jacob may have wrestled with God, but I do not believe at any point that he thought he could subdue God. That is not the point of our wrestling. The point of our wrestling is to cling so fast to the Lord that the only way He will leave us is if He himself casts us away. And He has promised He will not do so. We persist in calling out to Him as beggars for bread, knowing we are wholly dependent on Him for it, and refusing to quit that we might receive mercy from His table.
Conclusion
If you are in the condition we spoke of in this chapter, my advice to you is simple. Pray without ceasing. Unless He moves to deliver you, you will not be delivered. And you certainly cannot deliver yourself. Cast your plea to the Lord for deliverance. If He does not respond to it today, throw yourself upon Him again tomorrow. If not tomorrow, come to His door again the next day. Do not stop. Wrestle like Jacob with God. It may be that after a while of wrestling He will pronounce a blessing upon you.
[1] William Gurnall, The Christian in Complete Armour. (Carlisle, PA: Banner of Truth Trust, 2016), Volume 1, Pg. 38
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